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It is my last day in Japan, and tomorrow morning I will be flying from one side of this world to the other. A lot goes through my mind as I think about the last few years. My time in the cities of Oregon, my time in the countryside of Tennessee. Who I was just two years ago versus who I am today. I have had some dark times, but in the end I hope they lead me to a brighter world. I am not only leaving Japan, but returning to the town where for the largest section of my life.... I called home. A small place I had hoped to never return... At least not as the person I left it.
I don't know what I will feel as I walk the streets I lurked in as a kid, down the paths I walked back then. I don't know if it will feel the same or be reincarnated as a new feeling completely. What I dread more then seeing the roads, the trees and places I have walked again is seeing the faces. The faces I can never seem to forget, of those people I have hurt. I have made mistakes, time and time again, and more often then not... When I feel I have made an error instead of facing them as a man, I have hidden away. Ran to a new city, or new state... New places to escape the problems i have caused of the pain I have dealt. To run away from this guilt that weighs me down every time my mind ventures to back then, to those people, to that place or those actions.
So it comes. In 48 hours I will stand where I once stood. Back in the place of my childhood, where I grew. I do not return to it the same as I left. Not stronger, just different. Maybe this time I will be able to walk with myself down the streets paved in memories and not feel like I have to run away from me.
I will miss Japan. Not really for the place... Or the people. Not really for the activities I have done here or the life I have had. I don't feel to attached to all that, it hardly feels real. I will miss this ocean. Though I did not get any time alone with it I feel that is what I will miss most. Even if the things I will remember most only happened in my dreams, I can feel that the waters will never quite feel the same as they did here.
Skin by SpookyLoop